Cancergrrl

February 14, 2006 by Dennis Baker 

While doing research for Rutgers I came across the blog of Cancergrrl, whose latest post reads:

Friday, May 06, 2005
I’m back again!
I had a terrific time at Rutgers. It really is a great school and a fabulous program–everything I’m looking for. There is a real emphasis on learning the basics: mastering tools so that you can go on and develop your own style. HONESTY is the big word. Everything must be truthful and organic, and the instructors immediately jump on any false moves by either directors or actors. It’s a rigorous program–very demanding and totally consuming–a true conservatory, professional development course taught by working professionals who know the business. I loved it. It was so energizing to be in an environment dedicated to learning the craft. The most amazing thing was how welcoming everyone was. All the students went out of their way to answer my questions, show me around, and rave about the instructors and the program. I also didn’t see any competitiveness among the students. No one was trying to impress anyone else–it was just all about the work. A very supportive environment. This speaks volumes about the instructors–that they can create this feeling shows that they really care about training the students. I saw tons of stuff–a whole spectrum of the work: third year BFA acting students doing monologues, first year MFA acting students doing scene work (the directors are required to take all the acting classes as well, so it was great to meet the acting teacher, too), a run-through rehearsal of the third year MFA acting students showcase (which was going to be performed in NYC and LA for directos and casting agents), and finally the final scene presentations of the first year MFA directing class. I was really impressed with the directing work. There was an emphasis on honesty and simplicity that shone through all the scenes. Just what I want to strengthen in my own work. I finally got to my hotel at around midnight–a long, but exciting day. I also got to meet the other directing teacher. It was such a busy day that the head of the directing program sort of interviewed me on the fly, then told me to call her again in a few days to discuss my assigned play–we still haven’t gotten to that!

Unfortunately, my main concern (as always) is if my health will allow me to do this. Can I keep up with a course load that will have me running day and night–classes, rehearsals, homework? Once I came down from the high of being there, I felt really depressed and uncertain–especially since I’m going through a tough time right now. But I don’t want to dwell on this. I’ll just take things as they come. I may not get accepted anyway.

My first thought was I wonder if she got into the program. Why is this the last post? I click to read the comments and half way down it becomes clear. Ellen was admitted to hospice on September 2nd, 2005 and died shortly thereafter. This was the last think she wrote. Ellen never got the chance to pursue her dream of directing at Rutgers. As I go through an MFA program, no matter the school, I will carry this story with me.

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Filed under: Graduate School, Rutgers

Comments

2 Responses to “Cancergrrl”

  1. Elsie C on March 13th, 2006 8:15 pm

    thank you for that posting. i am glad that i had the chance to read it.

  2. Loretta on September 17th, 2006 6:52 am

    Hi,
    I found your blog entry while internet surfing.
    I was Ellen’s (cancergrrl) friend. Thank you for carrying on her memory in your blog. She would have loved that.
    Regarding Rutger’s… yes, she was accepted.
    She just never got the chance to write about it or go.
    May your studies and your work be truly blessed.

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